THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A REDNECK SAY
* I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
* Duct tape won't fix that.
* Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
* We don't keep firearms in this house.
* Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
* You can't feed that to the dog.
* I thought Graceland was tacky.
* No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
* Wrasslin's fake.
* Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
* We're vegetarians.
* Do you think my hair is too big?
* I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
* Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
* Who's Richard Petty?
* Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
* Deer heads detract from the decor.
* Spitting is such a nasty habit.
* I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
* Trim the fat off that steak.
* Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
* The tires on that truck are too big.
* I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.
* I've got it all on a floppy disk.
* Unsweetened tea tastes better.
* Would you like you fish poached or broiled?
* My fiancée, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
* I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
* Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
* Checkmate.
* She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
* Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
* Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
* I don't have a favorite college team.
* Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
* I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
* Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
* Elvis who?
how can you make this up????
redneck prom
REDNECK PICK UP LINES
Did you just fart??? Cause you blew me away!
My love for you is like diarrhea..I just can't hold it in.
Baby, you're finer than a new set of snow tires.
Baby, you are prettier than a beer truck pullling up in the driveway.
Are your parents retarded?? Cause you sure are special!
You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Hey baby!! Nice tooth!
Your eyes are bluer than Windex.
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
OK OK OK enough purient humor!!! I hope no one is offended... but then I never claimed to be politically correct!!
(If I haven't offended you...trust me at some point I probably will)
No comments:
Post a Comment