Blondies...Insert Favorite Blonde Joke Here

OK OK OK...so its not PC to tell blonde jokes..I know...but they are funny (and so true)....and I have never claimed to be PC..merely amusing...I hope you enjoy the recipes for kick ass blondies anyways...doug hasn't been posting because he is up to his eyeballs in projects (pronounce long o)...but I read to him and take his editting advice, so yes, he is a huge part of this blog..besides he is my heart and soul's inspiration... so enjoy... and every day, give yourself the gift of the best holiday season ever..lots of laughter, love, and yummy food!!!

Basic Blondie

2/3 cup butter
2 cups brown sugar, packed
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups chopped nuts

(I like to add a pinch of cinnamon..but then I would..wink)

Preheat oven to 350°F.Butter a 13x9x2 inch baking pan. Measure brown sugar by pressing into measuring cup (packed).In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat; stir in brown sugar until smooth. Remove from heat and cool 5 minutes.Whisk in eggs, and then remaining ingredients in order given.Bake for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.Cool on a wire rack for 5 minutes, then cut into bars.Bars may be wrapped tightly and frozen in individual serving sizes.


Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
 

Better than Blondies

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
2 large eggs
2 tsp. pure vanilla
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cups walnuts or pecans, coarsely chopped

Preheat oven to 350°F.Line an 8x8-inch baking pan with parchment paper or foil, allowing the edges to overhang on the outside slightly for easy removal. Spray parchment or foil with non-stick spray.Melt butter and stir in brown sugar until smooth.In a large bowl, beat butter mixture on high speed for 1 minute. Add eggs and vanilla; beat 5 minutes. On low speed, gradually beat in flour and salt, beating just until blended. Stir in nuts; mix. Spread evenly in pan, smoothing the top with a spatula.Bake for about 30 minutes, or until edges are golden brown. Do not overbake. Cool completely in pan, then use handles to lift blondies from the pan. Cut into bars. Refrigerate.Makes about 20 bars.Note: Do not use a toothpick test - a toothpick inserted in center will come out wet when the blondies are done.


Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but you never see any
 

Reese's Pieces Blondies
2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon Kosher salt
2 cups packed light brown sugar
1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature (Please don't use margarine)
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3/4 cup of Reeses Pieces + 1/4 -1/3 cup for embellishing the top (this can be increased to 1 cup. It really depends on how big the pieces of candy are. Use your best judgement).

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a 9 x 13 inch pan.

Sift together flour, baking powder and salt and set aside. In large bowl, beat together butter, sugar, egg and vanilla until smooth.

Stir in the flour mixture until well blended. Add 3/4 of a cup of Reese's Pieces. Mix gently. Spread evenly in prepared pan (mixture will be somewhat cookiebatter-ish.). Sprinkle 1/4 - 1/3 of a cup of Reese's Pieces on top, pushing down with your hand to ensure proper "candy to cake batter contact".

Bake 25-30 minutes or until surface springs back when gently pressed. Cool slightly. While still warm, cut into bars with a sharp knife.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, donut seeds!

FROSTED CHUNKY BLONDIES

1 cup chopped walnuts
10 tbsp. butter
1 cup packed dark brown sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
3 eggs
1 tbsp. vanilla
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chunks

FROSTING:

3/4 cup butter, room temperature
3/4 cups chocolate chunks, melted, cooled
1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

Preheat oven to 325°F.Line 8-inch square baking dish with enough foil to overhang sides by 2-inch. Spread walnuts on baking sheet, bake until lightly browned, 5-7 minutes. Cool.In a pot over low heat, bring butter to boil, 1-2 minutes. Stir in sugar until dissolved. Remove from heat, cool.In a bowl, combine flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda. Stir eggs and vanilla into butter mix until blended. Stir in flour mix, until just combined. Stir in walnuts and chocolate chunks.Spread in pan, bake 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out with moist crumbs. Cool.

FROSTING:

In bowl, with mixer on medium-high speed, beat butter and melted chocolate until smooth. Gradually beat in sugar. Add 1 tablespoon water, beat until light and fluffy. Spread over cooled brownies.

Two Blondes were walking along, and came to some tracks. One blonde said, "Those look like deer tracks", and the other said, "No, they look like Moose tracks". They were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

 

WHITE CHIP ISLAND BLONDIES

1 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 tbsp. Amaretto liqueur
1 large egg
6 oz. white chocolate morsels
1/2 cup chopped Macadamia nuts
1/2 cup toasted coconut

In a mixing bowl or on a sheet of wax paper, mix flour, baking powder and salt until well combined.In a separate mixing bowl, cream sugar, butter, vanilla and Amaretto until light. Beat in egg. Gradually add flour mixture while mixer is on lowest speed.Stir in white chocolate, nuts and very lightly toasted coconut.Press mixture into a 9-inch square pan.Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in a preheated 350°F oven.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A: Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper

BLONDIE SWIRLS

1/2 c. butter
2 c. firmly packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
1 pkg. (6 oz.) semi-sweet chocolate morsels

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large saucepan, melt butter. Stir in brown sugar. Remove from heat and let cool. Meanwhile, grease and flour a 9 x 13 inch pan; set aside.Beat eggs, one at a time, into brown sugar mixture. Add vanilla. Combine flour, baking powder and salt; beat in until blended. Stir in walnuts and 1/4 cup of the chocolate morsels. Spread mixture in baking pan, and sprinkle remaining chocolate morsels on top.Place pan in oven for 3 minutes. Remove pan and lightly run a knife through batter a few times so chocolate forms a marble pattern. Quickly return pan to oven and bake 30 minutes longer. Let cool completely. Then cut into 15 blondies.

There was a redhead standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."

A blonde came up to her and said, "That looks like fun, can I try?"

The redhead said, "Sure."

So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.."

"Well," said the redhead, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."

So the blonde said, "OK." and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.

Along the side of the road, the redhead began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."



PEANUT BUTTER BLONDIES

3 eggs
1 c. granulated sugar
3/4 c. brown sugar
3/4 c. smooth peanut butter
1/2 c. butter (melted)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 c. sifted flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. baking soda
1 c. nutmeats (walnuts, pecans or peanuts)

Beat eggs well. Add sugars, blend in peanut butter, vanilla and melted butter. Mix well. Add dry ingredients which have been sifted together, and then add nuts if desired. Spread in 9x13 inch ungreased pan and bake at 350 degrees 20 to 25 minutes.

A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk "Where do you keep the curtains for computers?" The clerk answers with a puzzled face "Curtains for computers? You don't need curtains for computers." The blonde's eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers "Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!"
 

 

 

 

Nutty Blondies

 

2 eggs
2 c. firmly packed light brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. butter, melted
1 1/2 c. unsifted all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. chopped macadamia nuts

1/2 c. chopped pecans

(or use any combination of nuts..you like)

Grease 9x13x2 inch pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat eggs until light and foamy in large bowl. Beat in sugar, vanilla, and butter until creamy. Combine flour with baking powder and salt, add to egg mixture and mix at low speed until blended; stir in nuts (mix is stiff). Spread in pan; bake 25-30 minutes or until light brown. Cool 10-15 minutes and slice into bars.

One day, a blonde went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his "dummy" to make fun of blondes. The crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde was angry.
Outraged, she stood up and said, "How dare you make fun of blondes!"
The ventriloquist replied saying, "Madam, I'm very sorry. But it's just part of the act."
The blonde screamed, "You shutup! I'm talking to the little man on your knee!"

 

 

 

 

BANANA BLONDIES

 

1/2 c. butter
1 c. brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. mashed bananas
1/4 c. flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tbsp. sugar
1 tbsp. melted butter
3 1/2 oz. flaked coconut

Cream butter, brown sugar, vanilla and egg. Beat in the bananas and 3/4 cup coconut. Blend the flour, baking powder and salt and add in thirds, mixing well. Put in 9"x13" pan. Mix remaining coconut, sugar and melted butter together and sprinkle over the top. Bake 35 minutes at 325 degrees. Cool and cut into squares.

Once a blonde decided to go ice fishing. She grabbed all her equipment and put on her fishing outfit.. She walked out onto the icy surface and found a good spot. She took a knife and made a large circle in the ice with it.
"NO! Not there! You will find no fish!" a booming voice announced out of nowhere. So the blonde moved a few feet away and made another circle. "NO!! Not there either!!" The voice boomed again. The blonde moved a third time, making another circle on the ice.
"I said, NO!! There is no fish there!!" The voice boomed again.
"Is that you, God?" The blonde called out.
"NO!!" The voice boomed. "It's the manager of the ice rink!!"
 

 

 

 

BLONDIE PIE

 

1/3 c. butter, softened
1 c. brown sugar, firmly packed
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 c. all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/8 tsp. salt
3/4 c. semi-sweet chocolate morsels
1/3 c. pecan chips

Cream butter; gradually add brown sugar, beating well at medium speed of electric mixer. Add egg and vanilla; beat well.Combine flour, soda and salt; add to creamed mixture and mix well. Stir in chocolate morsels and pecans. Spread mixture into a greased 9-inch pie plate. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes. Cool and slice.


Q. How do you keep a blonde busy?
A. Give her a bag of M & M s and tell her to alphabetize them.

 

 

BRAN BLONDIES

 

 (do we really need desserts made with bran??? I detest "healthy" desserts..but then how healthy can it be with butter. brown sugar, egg, chocolate chips??)

 

3/4 c. sifted flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. all-bran (ready to eat bran)
1/2 c. chopped nuts
1/2 c. butter
1 c. brown sugar
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. chocolate chips

Sift together first 4. Mix in all-bran and nuts. Melt butter in saucepan. Remove from heat and stir in sugar. Cool. Stir in egg and vanilla. Add sifted dry ingredients a small amount at a time, beating well after each addition. Spread in greased 9 x 9 inch pan and sprinkle with chocolate bits. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Makes 24 bars, 2 x 1 1/2 inches. Brownies are done when still soft in center, but pulled away from sides of pan.

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
 

 

 

 

ZUCCHINI BLONDIES

 

(you know I would have to add this..ZUCCHINI!  I love zucchini!! any way, shape or form)

 

1 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. baking soda
1/3 c. butter, softened
1 1/4 c. firmly packed brown sugar
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. shredded, unpeeled zucchini (approximately 6 oz.), squeezed dry
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
3/4 c. semi-sweet chocolate pieces

Spray 8 x 8 inch baking pan with vegetable cooking spray. Line pan bottom with wax paper. Spray paper. Sift together flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda. Beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla; beat lightly.Stir in sifted dry ingredients. Fold in zucchini, walnuts and half of the chocolate pieces. Pour into prepared pan. Sprinkle remaining chocolate pieces on top. Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 40 minutes or until done. Invert when cool and cut into squares.

 

 A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."